Amanda And Jazmine

LOVE JAZMINE PROJECT

2012-02-04T21:10:00.002-06:00

LOVE JAZMINE PROJECT

It was 44 days before Jazmine’s first birthday when she was taken from us. Amanda had already begun planning her celebration. She had the guest list, the theme and the idea for the cake. Amanda was never able to complete these plans.

So on Jazmine’s birthday we held her party. Any gifts that would have been given to her were donated to the hospitals that helped us get her and cure her when she was sick. The party turned into a toy drive and then became the “LOVE JAZMINE PROJECT”. The outpouring of generosity from the public was so great that it really aided us in our journey of the healing process. Not to mention all of the joy and smiles it brought to so many hospitalized children.

This project was so rewarding that we have continued it every year since. We begin collecting on February 1st and deliver the gifts to the hospital on March 9th, which is Jazzy's birthday. On every gift, we put a sticker that says "Love Jazmine". This helps us feel that her spirit is taking part in this with us.

If you are interested in being a part of this memorial you may contact me at molly_farrell@sbcglobal.net and I would be happy to work out arrangements that work for you or answer any questions. Additionally you may drop items off at Wheaton Massage Therapy 460 S. county Farm Rd. Wheaton, IL 60187 or Funway Amusement park 1335 South River Street (route 25) Batavia, IL 60510.

We ask that all donations be new and unwrapped. Although Jazmine would have been eight years old this year we love to collect for children of all ages.

Update

2011-12-16T10:25:00.000-06:00

Dear Family, Friends and Supporters,

The delay in the update this time is mainly due to my frustration. In the last update, I reported that the defense were to have their depositions completed by the August court date. It is no surprise that this did not happen.

Given the complicated story, I think it would be most clear to report on each “witness” individually. I will start with the coroner. His deposition was completed by the August court date. It went as we expected. He reported that he followed normal procedure; arriving at the scene, he pronounced Amanda dead. This was her legal time of death. Jazmine had been transported, so he was not able to evaluate her condition. It was his understanding that Jazmine had presented “triple zero” at the scene and throughout her trip to the hospital. Upon arrival in the emergency room she was evaluated and, after further efforts to resuscitate her, she was pronounced dead by the emergency room doctor. This was her legal time of death. He shared that the legal time of death vary rarely reflects the true time that death occurs. He went on to say that it is not uncommon for first responders to take heroic measures, especially when an infant is involved. During the course of his deposition he revealed that there were three x-rays that had been taken of Jazmine. This was new information for us. We were aware of only one of her chest.

This brings us to the next deposition; that of the radiologist from the hospital who read this single x-ray. In his deposition, he stated that according to his report from that night the one x-ray he viewed showed no abnormalities. At that time, the other two views may not yet have been taken. The radiologist refused to comment on the two x-rays he had not seen previously, given that they were copies and he was not in a clinical setting with a proper light board on which to read the x-rays.

We consulted with a well-respected neurosurgeon who reviewed the x-ray of Jazmine’s head and neck. He confirmed the x-ray revealed that her neck was broken and actually separated in the area of the brain stem. This injury results in instant death.

We shared this information with the defense in court on October 5, 2011, and requested twice that they consult their own expert. We are confident that any knowledgeable expert will come to the same conclusion. This would leave no question as to the physical time of Jazmine’s death. So far they have continued to insist on taking a deposition from the emergency room doctor who pronounced Jazmine dead. This has yet to happen. Although this was to be completed by the August court date, we are still waiting for it to be scheduled. Due to a medical emergency with this doctor, then his recovery and now his involvement in another trial, it seems like this deposition will never take place. It is our opinion that any information he provides will simply confirm his written report; Jazmine arrived at the ER with no pulse while being artificially resuscitated manually, she was unresponsive and following his attempts to resuscitate, he pronounced her dead according to protocol. No surprises expected here.

On our next court date, December 7, 2011,the judge became impatient with the slow pace of discovery. She ordered that the defense take the ER doctor’s deposition by January 31, 2012; she also ordered that we disclose the experts we intend to call at trial by January 6, 2012 and that the defense take those depositions by March 9, 2012. We will be in court again on March 14, 2012.

Thank you for your continued love, care and support.

Love, Molly, Farrell, Stephen and all those who love our girls and seek justice for them.

Ely, Ely, Ely!!!

2011-06-30T22:52:00.002-05:00

Lots of videos from our big cousin trip to Ely!

Court Update

2011-06-29T11:32:00.002-05:00

I know that it’s been a long time since I have updated you on where our fight for justice stands. This was not my choice. The defense has been doing all they can think of to avoid doing what is right. They were trying to impose a “Gag” order on our being able to share their newest position; I can only believe that they are fearful that if the public found out what it was that their “pristine image” could be tarnished.

Today the court ordered that we cannot discuss any monetary aspect of the case. We totally agree with this. But we do not have to remain silent about the position they are now taking. And that is that the boys and I are not Amanda’s legal next of kin. Their argument is that Jazmine is Amanda’s only next of kin. Records indicate that Jazmine was not pronounced dead until thirty five minutes after Amanda, thus she survived her mother and is the sole heir to her estate. And since she passed, there is no heir.

They come to their rationalization because included in the reports are statements such as “Bilateral chest sounds” and “symmetrical chest wall rise and fall”. This should be no surprise since Jazmine was being artificially respirated. Reports also indicate that upon initial assessment Jazmine’s vital signs were “triple zero”. This means that there was no respiration, pulse or blood pressure signs found. Continued evaluation of her condition to the hospital does not waver from this initial assessment.

But once again, instead of trying to ease the pain they have caused, they continue to try to find any loop hole that will “get them off the hook” and allow them to shirk the responsibility they have in this awful situation they created.

So we wait for them to obtain depositions from the Emergency Room doctor, the coroner and the doctor that performed Jazmine’s autopsy. With their first hand knowledge all will know that as much as I wish it was not true, there was no saving my precious Granddaughter.

But to add salt to the wound, I will sit through these play by play attempts. Something no grandmother would want to do, but that I couldn’t not be there for. I know that heroic measures where taken to try to avoid the inevitable. I appreciate that, but think that it is so pathetically cruel that the defense is trying to get out of their responsibility to give us some kind of justice because the responders did what they were trained to do. Even though there was, in reality, no chance for Jazmine they did what they could. Wouldn’t you? She was a baby and maybe they were aware of my daughter condition and with compassion and giving hearts tried to make our loss a little less, knowing deep down that it was hopeless. I thank them for that.

What puzzles me is that Advocate Health Care Services tag line is “Inspiring Medicine” and “Changing lives”. Synonyms for inspiring are; responsible for, influence, inform and reassure. This seems ironic to me. And although it is true that they changed our lives, is that something they are proud of?

Dreyer Medical Clinics web site lists their mission, values and philosophy. Under the Values list is the sub heading of "Excellence: we empower people to continually improve the outcomes of our service, to advance quality and to increase innovation and openness to new ideas". And "Stewardship: we are responsible for all that we are, have and do".

Under Philosophy you find points that they feel are important, included are two that I find interesting;

"Customer satisfaction is the foundation on which every organization is built, so satisfaction with our services must be measured frequently and appropriate measure taken to continuously improve customer satisfaction".

"We believe our physician and associate must be responsible resources and accountable for ethical behavior and stewardship of all resources under our control to ensure the accomplishment of our missions".

Yet that has not been our reality with them at all.

I can report that Emo has been able to come to a settlement. My heart is happy for him. They have stepped up to the plate. Jazmine’s life has been validated. Maybe Emo will finally be able to move towards the closure we all crave.

But what about Amanda? I miss her. My life will never be the same. My heart has not stopped hurting, even for one second. My boys miss their sister. The constant conversation and thoughts are; “remember when Amanda…” “Remember when Jazmine…” “Remember when Amanda was afraid the ostrich was going to eat Jazmine?” "Remember all the fun we had in Ely with all of the cousins?" “Wonder what Amanda/Jazmine would think, say, be like, have enjoyed, do,…”.

All Amanda asked for that day at Dreyer was help to feel better. That’s all.

The depositions are to take place before the next scheduled court date on August third. At that time, it is my understanding that the court will schedule a hearing to decide who Amanda’s legal next of kin is. If the ruling is that it is Jazmine, the boys and I will likely not receive the justice and closure we have been seeking.

I will be posting updates as they are available. Please feel free to check back or send me your e-mail address and I will be happy to send you a notice when there has been a new posting. You can 'follow' this blog by clicking the 'Follow' button down at the bottom of the page.

Thank you all for your continued support. It is what keeps us going.

Local family waiting on justice

2011-04-02T08:13:00.000-05:00

The Daily Chronicle printed the following story, today. Click here to read it on their website

Local family waiting on 'justice' from 2005 car accident

By NICOLE WESKERNA - nweskerna@daily-chronicle.com

Comments (No comments posted) | Add Comments


Amanda Elkins and daughter Jazmine Luciano were killed in a car accident in January 2005. Their family is still trying to reach a settlement with the medical facility that treated Elkins shortly before the accident. Pictured are (front) Emo Luciano, Jazmine's father; Molly Farrell, Elkins' mother; and Elkins' brothers Farrell Lewis (back left) and Stephen Lewis. (Kyle Bursaw – kbursaw@daily-chronicle.com)
Buy Daily Chronicle Photos »

SHABBONA – Molly Farrell believes that if a "common-sense" practice had been in place at a medical clinic six years ago, her daughter and granddaughter would be alive.

Farrell lost her 18-year-old daughter, Amanda Elkins, and her 10-month-old granddaughter, Jazmine Luciano, in a car accident six years ago. She believes her daughter was improperly discharged from a visit to a doctor's clinic and a medication that she was given led to the accident.
On Jan. 26, 2005, Elkins visited the Dreyer Medical Clinic in Batavia because she was experiencing flulike symptoms. Farrell drove separately and met her daughter at the clinic because she also was seeking medical treatment for a health problem.

Farrell said her daughter was cleared to leave after spending a few hours at the clinic without having to sign any discharge papers or receiving any discharge instructions. Farrell followed Elkins in her car until they parted ways at Randall Road so Farrell could stop at a pharmacy to pick up prescriptions.

On her way back to her Shabbona home, Elkins – who had Jazmine buckled into a car seat in the back of her 2002 Kia Rio – crossed the center line traveling west on Route 30 and struck a semitrailer head-on. Elkins was pronounced dead at the scene, and Jazmine died about a half-hour later at Kishwaukee Community Hospital in DeKalb.

“It was really the worst sensation,” Farrell said of when she found out. “I physically felt part of my heart leaving my body.”

A toxicology report after the accident indicated Elkins tested positive for a drug called Phenergan, which the medical staff administered intravenously during her visit to the clinic. The drug is used to prevent nausea and vomiting, and one of the side effects includes drowsiness.

DeKalb County Coroner Dennis Miller said during the coroner’s inquest that he spoke to the doctor a day or two after the incident. The doctor told Miller he was under the impression that Elkins would not be driving herself home.

DeKalb County Sheriff Roger Scott said no charges were filed after the accident, and deputies weren’t able to determine what caused Elkins’ vehicle to drift across the center line.

“She was returning from a medical appointment,” Scott said. “That may have been a contributing factor, but we don’t know for sure.”

Farrell believes if Elkins’ doctor would have advised her not to drive, her daughter would not have gotten into an accident.

Two years after the accident, Farrell filed a lawsuit against Dr. Michael Collins at the Dreyer Medical Clinic, and she hopes to reach a settlement soon. Stephanie Johnson, director of public affairs for Advocate Health Care, which is associated with Dreyer Medical Clinic, said she could not comment because of the pending litigation.

Farrell said the clinic implemented a new discharge practice about a year after her daughter’s accident, and all patients now are notified about driving after taking certain medications.

“All we really want is justice for our girls,” Farrell said. “Had this policy been put in place, our girls would still be alive.”

Remembering mother and daughter

Since the accident, Farrell said she has suffered illnesses that are perpetuated by stress. She hopes a settlement will help pay for what her family has lost, but she said putting a price on the lives of her daughter and granddaughter is impossible.

“We’re just trying to move on,” Farrell said. “We didn’t go into this voluntarily. They made a grave mistake, and we’ve lost a lot.”

Farrell said some of the money from a settlement could be used to start a foundation in memory of her daughter and granddaughter that’s dedicated to supporting teen mothers.

Elkins was only a few months away from graduating high school when the accident happened. After a complicated pregnancy, she wanted to attend Northern Illinois University and go into neonatal nursing.

Farrell Lewis, Elkins’ 15-year-old brother, described his sister as a caretaker, selfless and someone who always put others before herself.

“She always had a good mood,” Lewis said. “She always had a smile on her face.”

Elkins’ 13-year-old brother, Stephen Lewis, thinks of his Superman shirt when he thinks of his sister because she was always stealing it from him. Before Jazmine was born, Stephen drew a picture of his family and spelled Jazmine’s name with a “z.” From then on, Elkins decided that’s how she would spell her baby’s name.

Farrell’s family remains close with Jazmine’s father, Emiliano “Emo” Luciano. Every year, they celebrate Jazmine’s birthday by holding a toy drive for children at the hospital where Jazmine was born. On March 9, Jazmine would have turned 7 years old.

Farrell said her daughter was her best friend, and she feels blessed to have had her daughter and granddaughter in her life. She still questions what life would be like if she would have known about the medication or if they had chosen a different clinic.

“We’ll never stop grieving them, and there will never be a day we wish this didn’t happen,” Farrell said.
On the Web
www.amandaandjazmine.blogspot.com

Dancing to Our Song

2011-04-01T15:25:00.000-05:00

Molly & Amanda dancing to 'Melancholy Baby' - 1993

My Boo

2011-03-24T21:27:00.002-05:00

Hear "My Boo", Emo's song for Amanda & Jazzy,

by clicking these words.

Administration of Potentially Sedating Medications

2011-03-21T22:03:00.000-05:00

This is a copy of the new policy that Dreyer put into place in December 2005 - about a year too late.

Discussion Forum

2011-03-17T16:53:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone!

We've added a discussion forum to make it easier for us all to have conversations with each other, as we share memories and share support. The forum is linked in the sidebar over on the right. You can also get to it by clicking here: Amanda and Jazmine Discussion Forum

More Sweet Sixteen Memories

2011-03-16T22:53:00.002-05:00

More photos

2011-03-16T22:47:00.000-05:00

Scanned some more photos tonight. They are all uploaded to the flickr photo album linked in the right-hand column. Here are a few of them, though.

And, please - keep on sending in your own photos, memories & any posts that you'd like for us to share on this blog. Your comments here on the blog, too, are wonderful ways to keep us feeling connected to the girls, even now. I can't tell you how great it makes me feel to hear from all of you, to talk about them with you again, to rejoice in their lives.

Baptism

2011-03-16T22:32:00.000-05:00

Some Sweet Sixteen Memories

2011-03-15T20:24:00.000-05:00

Planning for the future

2011-03-15T00:01:00.000-05:00

Playing at home

2011-03-13T23:35:00.005-05:00

Stephen

2011-03-13T23:34:00.000-05:00

Stephen by Amanda Elkins

At the age of two you're very smart,

You wreck my things and tear them apart.

You cry when your stung by a bee.

When you get hurt you come to me.

You are my godson, my joy, my pride.

You know I will always be on your side.

My New Brother

2011-03-13T23:26:00.002-05:00

My New Brother

One day my mom said "I'm going to have a baby. You're a big sister now. But you can't tell you're dad." OK. "I can't wait," I said. A few months later we went to the hospital. I saw the nurses. The doctor called me in the room when it was almost time. When it was all over I had a new Brother.

Amanda

Jumping, Jumping, Jumping

2011-03-13T23:15:00.002-05:00

Meeting her cousins

2011-03-13T23:14:00.001-05:00

One Day Old

2011-03-13T23:07:00.001-05:00

Letter to Emo

2011-03-13T22:57:00.001-05:00

Emo -

So today I woke up and could hardly stand up. I was affraid something had happened. I can't even describe the pain I felt. It's almost 2:00 and it still really hurts to stand, and now almost to the point to sit down. Thank god we have a doctors appt tonight. I told my mom this morning and she thinks it is because I don't drink enough water. We'll see tonight. I don't understand why I can't have an easy pregnancy like other people. It pisses me off that the other girls here who are pregnant don't have any pain. AH! Anyways I can't wait to be a mommy. I want to hold her so bad! Just to have her fall asleep on my chest. I really can't wait to hear her cry. I know I say that now but I want to hear her. I can already feel her, so it will just complete me. I know you will be a wonderful father and I couldn't ask for anyone better to have a baby with. I love you with all of my heart, and I can't wait untill we get our own place.

Well I know you hate long letters, so I'll stop. Got to go to Spanish now. Yippy! Not.

I love you so much -

Your baby's mama

Dear Mom

2011-03-13T22:10:00.001-05:00

Dear Mom,

In the past few months I have put you through alot. We have always gotten through our problems together, no matter how hard it is. I want to thank you for being the best mom that you can be. I couldn't see myself being raised any diffrent.

I have been so scaired lately, not about labor (not yet), but about what kind of mom I will be. I want, when my child grows up and becomes a parent to say they want to be the best parent, like their mother; how I feel about you. I'm so scaired to think I have a little life that I have to shape, but then I think that if I just go by what I was taught by you, I will be fine.

You are so strong; and have gotten us all through ALOT, ever since I as born. You always put me and the boys first. Words could never express my thanks that I want to give to you, but I guess the greatest thanks is seeing what you taught me passed on to my children.

Thank you for never stopping loving me. The boys may not realize it now, but they have the BEST mom in the world. I know that I don't express myself alot. I don't really know how. I just want you to know that you are the one who taught me how to be an great parent, and I pray I can follow in your footsteps.

I love you!

Amanda

My Letter to the Defense

2011-03-13T21:18:00.000-05:00

Here is what I do not understand. You know you did wrong. You made a mistake. You failed us. You have implemented a new policy because of it.

But instead of trying to make it better for us you continue to cause us pain. Now instead of just admitting it, you feel it necessary to drag us through this ugliness.

You want to suggest that this accident could have been caused by my daughter. You say you can’t be sure what her state of mind was that day. I knew her well. I’ll tell you what her state of mind was that day.

It was…….

I want to feel better so that I can return to school and continue my educational journey so that I can provide for my wonderful, joyous daughter.

I want to celebrate her first year of life, I want to continue my life no matter what it has in store for me.

I want to get married and have more children.

I want to be a part of the family that I am blessed to be in.

I want to enjoy all my friends and make many new ones.

I want to help others, like they have helped me.

I want to feel better so I can do all this and so much more.

That’s what her state of mind was.

Why are you choosing to continue this pain? I just want this to be over so that we may still have a chance to pick up the pieces we have left and continue our lives the best we can. When will you let us do that? When will we have suffered enough for your mistake?

Amanda’s mom

The Story of What Happened

2011-03-13T20:46:00.006-05:00

Amanda and Jazmine’s sudden and unnecessary deaths have affected so many of us. Each of us has our stories of how they both touched our lives, what they meant to us and how we miss them. What many don’t know is what really happened on that awful day.

Amanda had not been feeling well since Saturday. She was vomiting, having diarrhea and basically feeling sick. She had missed school on Monday and Tuesday. On Tuesday evening Amanda asked me to get her an appointment with a doctor. Wednesday morning I went to work and began to find a doctor for her. Previous to having Jazmine, Amanda was seen by a pediatrician and then during the pregnancy she had an OB/Gyn. So I called the doctor I saw at the time. I wanted to get an appointment for myself as well because I was sure I had a bladder infection.

They reported that they did not have any openings for the day; however there was an urgent care clinic in the same building that they were in. I called Amanda and asked her to meet me at the Dreyer Medical Clinic on Fayban Parkway in Batavia at approximately 1:45. When we both arrived, Amanda got Jaz out of her car seat and we entered the clinic. Amanda had to fill out a new patient form. I did not need to do this because they had my chart from the doctor’s office.

We were brought back to an examining room. They took care of me first. And I did have a bladder infection. The nurse now turned her attention to Amanda. She got Amanda’s information. Then Dr. Michael Collins entered our room. He confirmed that I did have a bladder infection. He then said that he believed that Amanda had the flu.

They were going to give her fluids and an anti-nausea medication intravenously. We had no concerns. She had been on anti-nausea medication during her pregnancy. As these medications entered her body she had a few episodes of feeling dizzy and a bit light headed. She needed to be helped to the restroom. She reported this to the nurse who replied “Dear, you are the one who said you haven’t eaten since Saturday”. As time progressed this feeling seemed to pass.

After the IV’s were complete, Dr. Collins made his second and final appearance in our room. He told us that if Amanda could keep down some Seven Up she would be released. She did. The nurse came back in the room and told us we could leave. We both asked if there were papers we needed to sign regarding our care. We were told no. It was now approximately 4:30.

We walked to our cars; I buckled Jazzy in her car seat and gave her a kiss. I looked up to the front seat and asked Amanda if she was OK. She said yes. She said that she did not feel any better or worse than when she came. I told her that I would stop at Walgreen’s and get our prescriptions, a berry 7up for her and then stop and get the boys dinner. I told her I loved her and would take care of Jazzy when I got home so she could try to get well enough to return to school the next day.

I told her that I loved her and she told me that she loved me and would see me at home. She pulled out onto the road. I followed behind her. The last I saw her was as her car turned left onto Randall road and I turned into Walgreen’s.

I was about twenty minutes from home and I got a phone call from Ashley. As well as being an awesome neighbor and a good friend to both Amanda and me, Ashley also watched Farrell and Stephen after school until either Amanda or I got home. Ashley asked me if I had heard from Amanda in the last ten minutes. I said, "No, why?" She said “Nothing." I told her that she could not call and ask me that without telling me why.

She said that her dad (who was on the fire department) had got called out to an accident with a teenager in the front seat and a baby in the back. I told her not to worry, I was sure that they were fine and that I would call Amanda and find out what was happening. I nexteled her and got no response. I tried again, no response. I next tried to call her. Again, no answer. I began to get nervous. I tried to remain calm. And then I came upon the road block.

I approached the gentleman who was directing traffic. I told him that I thought that my daughter and granddaughter were involved in what was going on. He asked me for my driver’s license and for me to pull over to the side of the road. Shortly he came back to my car and said that someone would be coming to talk to me.

As I sat alone I realized that I was going to go crazy if I did not find someone to talk me through this. I tried to call two of my sisters and got no answer. I then called my niece, Miranda. Bless her heart, she was there with me.

As I reported that I already knew Amanda was gone she would tell me to think positive. I told her that I knew part of my heart felt like it had physically left my body.

I told her of the helicopter and ambulance that I could see in the distance. She told me to have hope, they must be alive since they were being transported. When a van was allowed through the road block I told Randa, "See, I knew she was dead, there goes the coroner." She told me that I did not know that. I said, "Yes I do."

Although I had no idea on what had occurred, I did know that my best friend, my first born, my daughter was gone.

After I had sat there for about a half hour the van came back along with a police officer. It was then they confirmed that not only Amanda had died so also had my precious granddaughter. I heard a heart wrenching scream and realized it was me.

The coroners asked me to get out of my car. The police officer would drive me home while one of the coroners would drive my car. At this time I was throwing up and the police officer told me that when I was done I could get in his car and he would take me home.

That was a horrible ride. My mind was blank, yet it was so full. How could this have happened? How would I tell her brothers and Emo? How in the world could I tell him? What would I tell him, Ashley, Emily, Katie, Allison and all of her other friends? How in the world do you deliver this awful, unbelievable and senseless news?

My family was already on their way to my home, but the police officer told me that he could not bring me home unless there was an adult home. I told them that I was an adult and needed to get home to my boys and Ashley. He eventually got a hold of Ashley’s mom and dad. Her father had helped out at the accident site but left to be with Ashley when she was told...and to be there for me and the boys. They came over.

I walked in the door and saw Ashley, you know she knew something was terribly wrong, but was hoping for the best. I went up and gave her a hug and we both just cried.

The boys had been in the basement playing video games. I called them up. They saw the police officer and knew something was wrong. I sat them down on the couch with me and broke the news. My already broken heart was completely shattered now. She was so special to them and them to her. Jazmine had been a constant in their lives. They love them both so much and could not understand how this could have happened. Neither could any of us.

Next was to tell Emo. He was at work. I could not just call and tell him, we needed to wait for the Aurora police to arrive at his work. I wanted to be the one to tell him. But at this point the house became pure chaos. The phone was going crazy and I missed being able to be the one to tell him. The Aurora police needed to tell him. He and I talked shortly after.

From that moment on my life became a nightmarish blur. I remember bits and pieces.

I remember the coroner and me talking. I was telling him that I cannot understand how this could have happened. He told me that there had been a semi-tractor trailer involved. My first thought was that the truck must have hit her. I was then told that it was her car that had crossed the center line. This was inconceivable to me. Never would she ever do this. She was a great driver, hated semi trucks, never passed anyone on that road and was just two minutes from home.

As the conversation progressed I explained the events of the day...her visit to the clinic, the intravenous medication she was given and the fact that I stopped on the way home to pick up her and my prescriptions.

He asked to see Amanda’s prescription. Someone went to the car to get it. I remember the coroner calling the doctor and asking him why he let her drive home. The doctor replied that he did not know that she was driving.

My heart still breaks when I think of the poor innocent truck driver. Due to his severe injuries his life has drastically had to change. And I do not think he ever really knew what happened. I am so sorry.

My nightmare continued. I barely made it through. If not for my boys, my family, all the friends and the medication my rheumatologist prescribed for my nerves and mental state I would never have made it. My mind in a fog I barely functioned.

The coroner’s inquest was approaching. I was not sure that I could go. My brother volunteered to go with me. I reluctantly went. It was there that the cause of the accident became crystal clear.

One of the jurors was adamantly questioning the medication Amanda was given. My brother and I looked at each other and knew we had to do something about this. I called an attorney.

We began this ongoing, endless fight to get justice for our girls deaths.

Come to find out; the medication they gave her was named Phenergan. It is true that this medication could help with nausea, but it’s also used as a sedative and anti-histamine. The drug insert directly states that once given you should not drive. We were never given this information. Things would have ended differently if we had.

Meanwhile life moved on for most. I tried to make mine do the same but it is hard. The unbearable grief and wanting to be “normal” again for the boys, my family, friends and myself were beginning to take their toll on me mentally and physically.

The first year was extremely hard, but people remember all of the anniversaries and give you support. The second year was much darker for me. Although I knew that everyone still loved and missed them, I was feeling alone. And as the year progressed my health declined.

By January 2007 I was hospitalized for the first of many times that year. I had many problems, many tests, many medications, blood transfusions, a blood clot and a visit to intensive care. The doctors were challenged to find out what was wrong. Come to find out it was determined that the chronic illness, lupus, that I was diagnosed with in 2001 and had been in remission since then had returned with a vengeance.

A major trigger for lupus is stress.

As 2007 continued my health slowly improved. I was hopeful about returning to my former life and for the court case to progress at a more expedient pace. This was not to be.

January 2008, my health became worse than it had been the previous year. This time there were more tests and medications. At one point I was on 160mg of prednisone intravenously. Although this helped with the immediate problems it ultimately caused more. I now had diabetes and a large weight gain.

I was released from the hospital and tried to resume what had been my normal. Being a single parent, running a business, dealing with my health and having this court case hanging over my head. My back started hurting really badly. Was I doing too much? Trying to be back to “normal” too quickly?

I went to the doctor. My back was broken. I now had osteoporosis due to the prednisone. The pain increased. I was diagnosed with two compression fractures. We scheduled surgery. The morning of surgery they took an additional MRI. Now they found two more. Since they could only repair two at a time they decided to repair the new ones and have me come back the next week to repair the remaining ones.

The week between the surgeries, I was confined to the couch. I was under strict orders to do nothing else. I did this. The boys and the business had to care for themselves. Family and friends brought dinner every night.

When I went in to get the second surgery they again took an MRI. Now there were two additional compressed vertebrae. They fixed the newer ones, and I still have two that were never treated. My healing is long, painful and humiliating. I needed a wheel chair, cane and large amounts of painkillers.

All of this distraction to my business and my lack of ability to do the job I am trained for devastated me financially. My house has been foreclosed on; the bills were/are a struggle to pay at home and at the office. Try as I might, there is a real chance I am going to lose everything. I try to do the work but my body is not able to do what I need it to do.

I thank God that I have my boys. They keep me going. I love them and hate what this has done to them. To lose their sister, niece and now to have to care for their mother while watching her suffer. That’s a lot.

What has helped us get through this is the support we have received from family, friends, teachers and Fox Valley Hospice with their fantastic programs for grieving children. And the knowledge that the horrific mistake that was made by the doctor, clinic and hospital would eventually be set right.

We are comforted by the fact that some one was helped by receiving Amanda’s eyes. And that memorial money was used to help buy supplies for a daycare room to help care for children as their teen parents pursue their educational goals. Also much of Jazmine’s clothing and furniture was given to a young mother ready to welcome her new blessing.

Then there is the “Love Jazmine Project”. This began as a way to honor Amanda’s love for Jazmine. Prior to the accident, Amanda was excited to be planning Jazmine’s first birthday party. Since Jazmine did not make it to her first birthday we decided to honor Amanda’s wish and we held a birthday party for Jazmine. The gifts that would have been intended for Jazmine were given to the hospitals that made it possible for us to have her, if even for too brief a time.

The first year there was a huge response and we were able to donate to Kishwaukee Community Hospital, Delnor Community Hospital and Children’s Memorial Hospital. Since the project was so successful, rewarding and healing for Jazmine’s family and friends the tradition has continued every year since. Although some years are more successful than others we always make Delnor Community Hospital our priority. If not for Delnor Community Hospital it is very likely that we would never have been blessed to have her in our lives.

We all just want our girls lives to matter. They did nothing wrong. Amanda and I trusted our medical care. We/I now know now that they don’t tell you all you need to know. You now need to be educated enough to not trust your medical staff. They don’t always do what is right. You have to know to always question, even when you don’t think you should need to.

After Amanda and Jazmine’s accident Dreyer Medical Clinic decided to implement a new procedure. They began informing patients when they are given a drug that could have sedative effects. It is too late for us, but hopefully it helps some one else.

We are still fighting this long battle. I just want to know when it will be OK for us to have some peace. The case has been taking forever. The beginning of November 2010 we agreed to enter into settlement talks. All were to come to this meeting with the commitment to make a good faith effort to come to some agreement so that we don’t have to endure the emotional stress of a trial.

Dr. Collins, Dreyer Medical and Advocate come off as being very cold. The doctor has never even attended any of the court dates. I guess he is too busy living his live. That’s what I want to do.

At the settlement talks they started by letting us know that they don’t want us to take anything that is about to be said personally. That if they could bring them back they would. Then they proceed to pull out their "Kelly Blue Book" for the human life. Find the base price, then start with the “discounts”. Less for Jazmine as she was diagnosed developmentally delayed, surely there would have been future medical and health care bills if she would have lived. And Amanda had seen a counselor. This, to them, does not show a woman who is smart enough to get help when she needs it. It shows a woman who’s “state of mind” must be questioned. So now their “worth” is less. Also, they see no correlation between the stress this has brought to my life and my declining health. They will not even consider that one had any thing to do with the other. What they care about is money, not what is right.

As for us, we will continue to fight for our girls. We will continue to do what we can for others. We will continue the “Love Jazmine Project” every year. We will do our best to carry on and make them proud.

I personally am being pulled to continue my role as Amanda’s mom by helping other young parents. I have begun my training to become a doula and would love to think I will someday be a foster mom for these parents. I would like to help them and to believe in them the same way I believed in Amanda, Emo and Jazmine.

I miss them.

Phenergan Package Insert

2011-03-13T20:45:00.000-05:00